Are you enough for yourself?
If you have not assessed how you feel about yourself lately, allow this to be your reminder. It's easy to lose sight of the hopes and dreams you once had and your overall vision for your life. The world is consistently critiquing every aspect of who you are and it's easy to internalize those narratives. I've been there. It's vital to dedicate time to checking in with yourself and reconnecting with who you truly are.
What are you most proud of?
What blows your mind when you think of the trials and tribulations you've overcome?
What's next for you?
What will it take to get there?
Make commitments to yourself that exceed the level of commitment you make to your work and to others. This includes setting goals and crushing them, but also caring for yourself to the very best of your ability. Balance your own critique and desire for personal change with praise and acknowledgement of how far you've already come. It's important to do both equally well. The pride you have in your own achievements will be the fuel that carries you forward. Make a list to reflect on those highlights in your moments of uncertainty. Continue to increase your vision as you learn more about your interests and the possibilities for your life.
Keep in mind that while feedback from others can be helpful, it can easily be harmful as well. If you are not clear about who you are, it's easy to absorb the criticism of people who only experience you in a very limited context. Dealing with naysayers and other people’s expectations of you can cause you to question the very foundation of who you are. Consider how intimately the person providing the feedback (read judgement) actually knows you. If they have not seen you overcome your life's greatest challenges, then there's a strong chance that they are incapable of providing an accurate assessment of who you are. Remember that people often project their own insecurities onto you. It's human nature to want to relinquish discomfort and people that are either manipulative or completely oblivious to how this behavior can negatively effect others around them, will shift their insecurities onto you without thinking twice. When you are confident and secure in who you are, it's easier to identify this behavior when you encounter it and not internalize it.
As you move between different spaces, you'll notice the contradicting messages you are receiving from those around you. You can easily be too much for some people and not enough for others. If you waste your time trying to shift and fit into a different mold based on the myriad of feedback shared from others, you will be lost. Completely detached from the person you are and working to become. There is certainly feedback that can be helpful but be sure to sense check whether or not those traits align with your identity. Spend more time in the spaces that feel nourishing to your spirit. Places where you feel appreciated and understood, those spaces are good for your psyche and ultimately help you filter out the noise.
In the context of your career, don't simply accept critique of how you are perceived. Be sure to question any subjective assessment of your personality or work style to separate the constructive feedback from someone's projections. Ask how a specific behavior is negatively impacting your work or hindering your performance. Often times you will find that what is being perceived as a negative trait is more related to the preferences of the person giving you the feedback, not your actual performance. Understanding the difference is helpful because perhaps what you actually need to change is your environment. You are not made to fit in everywhere. Having that level of clarity allows you to assess the feedback without internalizing it. This approach is important for your own career development.
The importance of investing in your self assuredness is the enhanced level of awareness you gain. Your discernment becomes sharper and you'll find yourself caring far less about trying to fit into anyone else's image of you. Instead you will be focused on becoming more of who you truly want to be. Untarnished by the expectations of others and elevated by the alignment within yourself.